I have been meaning to articulate thoughts on the concept of opportunity for quite a while. Currently at work, taking a break after having painted the stage. We paint it regularly to keep it looking good. It's a nice feeling to gaze at a freshly painted stage : pristine, ready to use.
Anyway, it was while I was painting the stage that it occurred to me that a lot of people I knew did favors for me. I benefit from other people's generosity and I'm always a little bit surprised. What led them to offer me (and not necessarily someone else) these opportunities? What state of mind do I project that allows them to trust me?
For example: tonight, I am going to teach a French class in a shop owned by a friend.We hadn't seen each other for a long time, but thanks to facebook, she learned that I was wanting to give lessons, and offered her space on Thursday evenings.
Another example: A mother of a friend has offered her beach house in New Jersey for me and another friend to use during a week-end in September.
In both cases, I never asked for anything. It was merely because the relationship I have with these people allowed these opportunities to happen. A certain amount of trust had been established and this, combined with their inherent generosity led to a class and a holiday.
This may sound a bit "self-helpy" but I'm increasingly realizing how much attitude contributes to one's overall well-being. Bad attitude backfires so much in every aspect of human relationships. And I don't know if people always realize how much attitude weighs on success. Of course, this poses a certain number of problems and inequalities. Because having a good attitude may be a trait of character to a certain extent, but it is fueled by one's self-confidence and increasing success in different endeavors. Whereas even if someone starts out with a positive outlook on life but is dealt a bad deck of cards, it's only human to become disillusioned. But in turn, it decreases one's chance for positive opportunities. I wonder... if educators were to emphasize the fact that positivity creates a virtuous cycle, would people listen? Instead of making positive feeling all about emotions, could it be viewed and taught as a smart strategy for success?
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4 commentaires:
It's something that should come naturally, concluding that not-p'ssing-people-off will yield benefits, but with so many people "wanting to be themselves without compromise," it is a rare commodity to see a person enlightened to this.
I think the more important message to look at (being the key issue) is to show how "being nice" does not mean "being a pushover" or "selling out" or "losing individuality" or "being a hyppocrite" or ... you name it.
There's a book called "the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" in which the author specifically advises against "being a nice person just to achieve your goal short term" - in essence, don't fake being nice. In other words, the difference between "being a good person" and "being a nice person"
The topic has filled shelves. You obviously have innately got it right.
Thanks Anne for sharing your reflective thoughts and insights.
It certainly helps me to continue moving in a positive direction.
Mom
Just to let you know I read your blog from time to time.
And it makes me miss you even more!
Bisou,
Sophia
I'm realizing this whole "being nice" thing, and getting perks out of being pleasant is on my mind... so thanks, Tai, for taking the time to answer! I see what you mean about the difference between being nice for profit, and just having a positive attitude as a general rule.
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