Cash, money, power

I have been trying to find a respectable topic to blog about these last few days. But somehow, words seem to fail whenever I think about the big things happening in the world. The Japanese disaster is astounding, the Libyan war unsettling, the American budget decisions baffling, the rise of French extreme-right leader Marine Le Pen distressing, etc.

And when I think of my own personal life, I realize that I am both incredibly fortunate and kind of - stuck.
I think of issues dear to me and projects that should see the light of day. That makes me feel ambitious and creative. But then I realize that I need to make money.
Filled with enthusiasm (I can't help it), I search for jobs on the internet. I even - though not as much as I would want - send applications, and write rapturous cover letters. So far, I have not received many answers (read none).  That's when I start to wonder how anyone is able to succeed - and by this I mean "being fairly credited for what they do". I hear a lot of good things about networking and proving yourself and accepting to work for free. I have yet to fully master the arts of networking and self-confidence, but I have most definitely worked my fair share of free hours. No doubt that I will continue for some time, but I still don't think it's right. Well, not in the long run, at least. It's great to acquire new skills and get experience, but  working for free does eventually make you feel exploited and unimportant - not feelings that help one succeed, as far as I can tell. As my boyfriend likes to remind me: "cash, money, power". And no, he's not an investment banker.

I wonder how the people who are "at the top" of whatever they do got to the top of whatever they do. Sheer luck? Courage? Both? Hard work? Money? Friends? Coincidence (other word for "luck")?
And how much compromise should I be willing to make in my professional career? Do I have to narrow my interests, settle in a niche job and never get out of it?
I love working in theatre because it's such an expansive art form. It includes so many people, mediums, props, costumes. It's messy and lively. A rehearsal can be boisterous one moment and awkward the next. You constantly have to work with people, cooperate, keep on going despite frustration, fatigue or embarrassment. You have to know how to communicate and depend on others. It's hard work, but so gratifying when the show goes up and the audience relates. Clapping! Success!
But theatre, in its strict form, is limited to the stage. And I would like to take that thespian energy and that sense of cooperation and extend it to the outside world. I would like to offer creative solutions to real-life problems, as well as pretend ones. I would like to have a little bit more power (cash, money) to address issues and make alternative ideas more visible. A daunting task, in this confusing world.  But I can't shake it off. It's not just me.  A lot of people and institutions, in a lot of ways, can't shake that desire off. And they act on it. They strive to be political, in the noble sense of the word : responsible and accountable within society.
But in order to succeed, we all need to stop being disgusted by cash so that we can access more ressources and be a visible, positive influence, gaining - go ahead, say it, say it! - power. Because, let's face it: if we're weak, others are strong. If our strong ideals are weakly communicated, other weaker concepts are publicized to everyone everywhere.

All that to say that I promise to send more resumes out, and not undersell myself. At least, I'll try.

Words in floods like the overspilling oceans

The words will come in floods and I won't control them.
I'll utter something I thought but didn't mean to say. It will be heard, I will have to explain.
It will mean more than what I ever thought it should mean. But, come to think about it, maybe it does... mean. I mean, something. Important.

I finished the last few pages of The Road after having stalled reading the ending.  Deeply troubled, because of McCarthy's lucid pessimism and because, in so many ways does he speak a truth we're all dutifully ignoring : if we keep on going the way we are, bad things will happen.

I have now started reading Laurence Olivier's autobiography, and it's entertaining, light and peppy.
But it's not making me forget about the end of the world. I keep on wondering if humans will cause the end of all life, or if we (along with numerous other life forms) will be swept off the earth, only to be replaced by a new life-cycle. Then I fantasize grimly: after the complete disappearance of humans, maybe the earth will gulp all remaining human-made ruins and breathe unimaginable life into them, in a way unfathomable to our minds numbed by selfishness and greed.
Until I see a plastic bag on the sidewalk, and I feel like crying - because it's on the ground on its way to the ocean, and because I'm not picking it up. It's honestly hard to walk around Bethlehem. All that litter generates so much guilt and questionning.
I feel so small unable unhelpful useless. I have a brain, I can put two and two together - we are in trouble - but I'm not finding positive, creative solutions that would deeply challenge the national (American) consensus. Of course, living a relatively green lifestyle is a small step in the right direction, but we need to go further than that. The billionnaires who deny climate change such as David Koch really need to be challenged, more than with a couple of placards. There's got to be a secret weapon in the liberal's arsenal that we have not tried yet. That secret weapon is probably made of money - that is invested in long-term solutions. And that secret weapon needs to be deployed now. Otherwise, we're screwed.

A tough one - surrogacy

I just read a very thoughtful article written by a French judge, blogging here (en français). He is against surrogacy, and argues that legislating for this practice threatens women's rights, mainly because they become objectified, reduced to their biological capacity as baby carriers.

Surrogacy sounds very appealing, when you think about it from an engineering point of view. Woman A is fertile, couple BC isn't, so let's do some biological engineering and get it over with. But it will all inevitably lead to injustice. The more widespread surrogacy becomes, especially because it involves money, the more poor women will suffer to service the needs of richer couples, heterosexual or gay. Suffering which can include physical damage, mental strain, emotional disturbance, hormone levels through the roof, and ultimately, giving away a part of one's self.

I'm sure that there are many examples of happy families, and happy surrogate mothers who found great satisfaction from the exchange. By reading the agency blurbs, that's all it is: selfless happiness, blissful martyrdom. And, after having read some of the litterature, everyone involved in the process is given adequate care.

But, when considering the greater good,allowing this to happen on a national - even international - level will lead to oppression. And didn't women fight, not so long ago, for their right to be considered human, instead of simply serving the needs of men? So what, now, women should service the needs of rich couples?

And what is so wrong with adoption?

Are we objectifying the world so much that we see no value in a child that is not, technically, our own?

For some reason, the story of baby Moses keeps on coming to my mind:

Pharaoh's daughter came down to bathe at the river. Her maidens walked along by the riverside. She saw the basket among the reeds, and sent her handmaid to get it. She opened it, and saw the child, and behold, the baby cried. She had compassion on him, and said, "This is one of the Hebrews' children.

Exodus 2: 1-6

Compassion being the operative word in this passage.

I know adoption can also be complicated and corrupt, and poses ethical questions too. But adopting seems far more involved an action towards having a child than the passive ordering of a baby through surrogacy. Especially since today, adoptive parents don't ask their handmaids to fetch the baby, but go instead through gruelling months of applications, visits, tests.

Although biological technology today is hyper-modern, the mentality behind surrogacy seems... archaic and self-serving, an example of individualism aided by scientific progress. And I'm not sure I like where that's headed...

Post-election thoughts

I didn't vote yesterday, because I wasn't registered. I read about the results today, and I feel utterly terrible.

For future reference, everybody (who's American): YOU NEED TO REGISTER 30 DAYS BEFORE VOTING DAY TO BE ELIGIBLE TO VOTE.
Now I know.

(I keep telling myself that I have not missed many French electoral deadlines, but somehow, that doesn't make me feel better).

Pennsylvania went Republican.
Nationally, the (fragile) health care bill is threatened, as well as public funding for education, arts, environmental research, research in general, gay rights... and loud Republican mouths are bragging about how great they are.

I'm swamped with work, and have been burying my head in sand. I'm probably not the only one. I didn't think of registering, and when I did, it was too late. But to add insult to injury, I'm guilty of a greater crime :
Under the pretext of being young, I have been cautious of voicing my political opinions. I'm weary of hearing comments such as "you're such an idealist" or "you're not understanding the whole picture" or "once you start (really) working, you'll change your mind". I also always feel under-informed, and don't want to be sucked in a discussion when I don't grasp all the issues at hand. But I forget that a lot of people (euphemism) really don't know much about what they're talking about, and maybe my tendency towards thoughtful doubt might, in itself, help the conversation move forward.

But more truthfully, I'm mainly afraid of not being liked by people. I'm that kind of liberal. The one who really sincerely believes in the core concepts of democracy, who wants to see society move forward, who believes in education, in knowledge, and in the power of the human mind and spirit to make the world a fine place to live. But I'm the kind of liberal who doesn't talk with passion about what I believe to be fundamental.
I'm not going to say I'm passive. That would be forgetting that I work in a non-profit arts establishment, that I help teach an after-school program in inner-city schools, and work with teens in emotional-support classrooms. I do my best to contribute, however best I can, to the community. And I don't intend, as I grow older, to get a comfortable job, make a lot of money and move to the country that will tax me the least.
But, in a world where communication is key, where little smart-ass sentences make the fucking headlines (excuse my language), I have to step up. I have to say, as honestly as I can, what it is that I believe to be important.
So here we go:

- I believe in education. I am appalled when I see that children - small kids - have lost hope in their own future because society - through the school system- does not give them a chance to succeed. I believe that schools need more funding while simultaneously need to think about compelling teaching strategies that are effective in today's world.

- I believe that poverty doesn't only involve a lack of money, but also a lack of opportunity. I'm as afraid of the concentration of wealth as I am of the concentration of opportunity, since it contributes to further inequality.

- I am respectful of religion. Having been brought up religiously, having many role models who built their lives according to their faith, I am aware of the importance of religious thought in individual people's beliefs and opinions. I do not, however, believe that religion - any religion - should guide public policy for the simple reason that our societies are composed of many different people who do not share the same religious backgrounds. I also think it's ok not to be religious. The best compromise we have yet come up with is the separation of Church and State. It's there for a reason.

- I believe in a person's right to live happily and to make the choices that work for him/her as long as it does not harm someone else. I do not think that being gay is harmful in any way. So why is society so harsh on this issue?

- I believe in a woman's sole ownership of her body, and therefore in her ability to make choices regarding it. I am pro-choice.

- I think people should be elected to office according to their qualifications, their clairvoyance and their understanding of current issues.

There's probably more to say, but these statements are the ones I needed to express publicly in order to stop feeling like a fraud, a closeted liberal, a coward.

Amidst the bleakness... thankfully love, art, compassion and understanding exist and force us to look up and see the beauty of life itself.

Two catch words : "Populaire" and "Community"

Summer! Warmth, heat, sweat, late sunny evenings, ice-cream, world cup... Now that I got myself a hat, I'm not fearing a heat stroke every time I set foot on the sidewalk, so life is good!

A week ago, the Southside Film festival happened in Bethlehem. 4 days of film screenings, parties, talk-back sessions, and opportunities to appreciate the creative and entrepreunerial drive present in the Bethlehem community. There, I said it. Community. That's one of those words I don't like to use too much. Because it's so full of political precedent. Everyone believes in community building, everyone wants people to live happily ever after together in the same neighborhood, blah blah blah.
But I have to say that the South Side fest is true to the core of the word. It's organised by local volunteer leaders, it uses the spaces of the town, from the Lehigh University campus to the local shops and coffee-shops. The general quarters are located at Deja Brew, the late night parties happen at the Wild Flower cafe, the opening party was at the decor-shop Home and Planet. People from Bethlehem made sure to come, there were auditoriums full of people watching documentary films, shorts and feature-lenghts, all non-mainstream films, part of the festival circuit. And yet, no snobbiness whatsoever. Just a love of film and a passion to make such a large-scale grassroots event work out. This is the festival's 7th year, and it's stronger than ever.
Touchstone also engages with community, working in local schools, bringing shows to kids during the summer, opening its space to artistic groups. The word "community" comes up a lot in our work, and yet we try to use it sparingly. Because it can quickly become stale, dishonest, hypocritical. And we don't want that.
I find similarities between the use of the word "community" in the US, and the word "populaire" in France. Maybe it's because the shadow of the Revolution follows French culture even to this day, but something that is "populaire" is very often seen as something good: Front populaire, fête populaire, bal populaire, soupe populaire, secours populaire, rassemblement populaire, etc.
And that word has been used SO MUCH by the political elite in France that it really is hard to stomach. To the extent that anytime someone says something is "populaire", I glance at them with distrust in my eyes.
But then, when a real "populaire" community event is set up, you can forget about the word, and revel in the beauty of being together. When the audience about to see an Ariane Mnouchkine theatre production is eating delightful food served by the crew in a tent on the outskirts of Paris, that audience is involved in what could be called a "dîner populaire", but all we're thinking about is how good the food is, and how nice it is to be there.
Same for the film festival in Douarnenez. Queues of people waiting to get into the cinema, dinners of sardines and fries made outside in a school courtyard... it might be called "populaire", but it's just a bunch of people having fun together.

So my question is: have we gotten to the point in our societies where we need to use catch words like "community" and "populaire" to bring people together? We must be pretty disengaged from our neighbors if we constantly have to find excuses and schemes to look at each other in the eyes and engage in activities. But since that seems to be the case, then it's all the more important for local leaders everywhere to show how natural it is to engage in community, and to have fun in a "populaire" kind of way. With no political agenda, just for the sake of being human.