vendredi 16 mai 2014

The Elephant

Days and days and months pass and still no sign of writing on this blog. To be honest, I've switched platforms. I created an account on the French website and I try to write there semi-regularly. It's not for anyone to read - more like the 21st century version of a diary - but it keeps me writing. And, maybe, hopefully, something more tangible and public will come out of those private scribbles at some point, when I'm good and ready. Because, right now, anything worth writing for me is private and needs to remain private, to a certain extent.

These past few months have been challenging and will continue to be, as my mom is undergoing cancer treatment. She's okay - the tumor was removed surgically and, as far as anyone can see, the cancer's gone. But, of course, chemotherapy is still required and that, in itself, is a painful process. It's all about taking it day by day, one step at a time, as the doctors say. We'll follow their prescription.
 I've hesitated long and hard about writing here. I hope my mother, who's my number one blog reader, won't be offended or think that I'm disclosing too much information.

That's the catch when you end up talking about yourself and your life on a blog. It's all well and good when things are going relatively ok. But, when, as the expression goes, "life throws you a curveball", you have to make a decision: to write about the said curveball or not to write about it all. You could throw up your emotional guts for the world to read (you won't be the first one) or you could refrain and keep to yourself.

My problem is that I can't seem to move on and write another post on here until I've named the elephant in the room and waved it hello. I wish I could compartmentalize things in a more efficient way: family health concerns in one little box, safe writing topics in another completely unrelated little box, work issues in yet another place, etc. But my mind doesn't function that way. It's all a big tangled net. And the act of writing untangles some of the knots, releases some of the material and helps to expand the net's workable surface.

Let's face it: this elephant is on my mind, and it's hard to ignore it. But I won't dwell on it here either. I've said what was going on, it's there for all to read and I no longer have the lingering feeling of lying through omission. So now I can move on and pursue the conversation on a wide range of topics.