jeudi 27 mai 2010


Thank you, my friends.
Much better, meltdown over
Comforting thoughts and words.

Going to Boston for a few days, bringing my camera, will take pictures and share them here!


So...I wrote all this stuff in French about knowing that staying here in Bethlehem was the right thing to do for next year. I still believe that, but I just had a little meltdown this afternoon, feeling very lonely. I miss everyone I know and love, and sometimes I really hate globalisation for being the way it is. WHY ARE WE ALL OVER THE PLACE?

This meltdown probably has to do with the fact that The Pan Show closed last week-end, and that there is now very little for me to do for more than a week until rehearsals start for the summer kid's show. Also, a lot of my friends are taking exams, if they haven't already, and not being around to support them does make me feel particularly isolated. Not being around to celebrate family events and successes also makes me feel isolated.

I have cabin fever, and I'm realizing I'm becoming a workaholic.

If anyone wants to remind me that my choices aren't completely ridiculous, that I am not ruining my life and that I might perhaps find some sort of emotional stability some day, that would be greatly appreciated. If not, don't worry. I'll deal. I will. It's just... sigh. Life is... sighable, sometimes.

vendredi 14 mai 2010


J'ai un peu de temps. Rien de précis à faire avant 17h30. A ce moment là, je passerai un coup de serpière sur la scène, et je commencerai à préparer les coulisses pour le spectacle de ce soir. La première de The Pan Show était hier. Une réussite. Cette petite comédie musicale déjantée et coquine a plu au public. Les comédiens étaient dans la zone, et je n'ai pas fait de grossières erreurs de régie. Soupir de soulagement, sourires et enthousiasme pour les prochaines représentations. Ironie du théâtre, le gros du travail est passé. Maintenant, on peut véritablement s'amuser.

J'écris cette entrée pour parler théâtre, mais aussi pour... et bien pour dire publiquement, aux amis français et membres de la famille qui lisent ce blog, que je vais rester à Bethlehem encore un an. Les membres de la troupe m'ont proposé de rester pour une deuxième année d'apprentissage, peut-être plus spécialisé, et un brin mieux payé.
Après avoir réfléchi, pesé le pour et le contre, je me suis rendue compte que je n'avais pas envie de partir tout de suite, et que je me plaisais bien ici. Touchstone est une institution très spéciale, très précieuse: un bastion du théâtre de troupe. Et quand on intègre une troupe, on se rend vite compte que ce n'est pas un boulot comme un autre. C'est un mode de vie. Un an, finalement, ça passe vite. A peine arrivé, on est déjà reparti. Je n'ai pas simplement envie d'arriver et de partir. J'ai envie de rester, un peu. Et la prochaine étape s'annoncera d'elle-même, j'en suis persuadée.

Cela ne veut pas dire que mes amis et ma famille ne me manquent pas. Au contraire, vous me manquez d'autant plus que je vis joyeusement ici, à des milliers de kilomètres de beaucoup d'entre vous. Sans vouloir paraître malade, j'ai parfois des ... appelons-les des ... visions mentales de vous alors que je me ballade dans les rues américaines. Comme si vous étiez là, le temps d'un clin d'oeuil. Je ressens la complicité et le soutien de tant de personnes en moi et ça me donne un sentiment de paix assez difficile à décrire mais merveilleux à vivre.
Je sais que ma décision de rester n'est pas raisonnable sur bien des plans. Mais un coup de coeur n'est pas, par nature, raisonnable. J'ai décidé de ne pas y resister... et je sais que vous comprendrez.

mercredi 12 mai 2010

Short and sweet

I'll make this one short and sweet.

Never thought I could work so much while not feeling completely overwhelmed.

Creativity and trust go hand in hand. So do productivity and trust. Because if they didn't, no play would ever be written, produced, and performed.

Looking forward to reading The Presentation of Self in Everyday life by Erving Goffman. Will most likely write impressions on here.

Feeling like reading these days... if anyone has suggestions (French or English), I'll gladly take them! I miss talking about books.

dimanche 2 mai 2010

Work and play

It’s the second day of May, I only wrote once in April on this blog, so it’s time to make things right, and talk about… other things besides how tired I am and how much work I have, because that will get very boring very quickly.

I love the work, don’t get me wrong, but stage management (that’s what I’m doing these days) is… the unsung hero job of the theatre. In a full production, with more than 2 actors, costumes, sets and props, you really need a stage manager to be the eyes and ears of the team, and who can communicate any changes to anyone involved in any production area (cast, lighting, sound, video, set design, etc,) . But the stage manager, as the job requires, has to be discreet, almost invisible, and has to accommodate the team as much as possible while at the same time being a disciplinarian if need be. She/he works closely with the director, but has to respect the director’s vision, without necessarily giving contradicting opinions, unless what is suggested by the director is completely impossible to do. But then, a good stage manager should really think as creatively as possible to find a way to make what the director wants work. It’s a lesson in humility, basically. And I truly respect Touchstone’s resident stage manager, Emma Chong, for her grace and calm under pressure. She’s in the cast of The Pan Show, and that’s why I’m working her usual job. Fortunately, she gives me tips and suggestions to make the whole process as smooth as possible. It’s all about communication, baby. But communicating can be pretty darn exhausting sometimes.

That’s why tango is such a haven for me these days. Tango is also about communication, but in a more visceral sense, which shouldn’t involve much conscious thinking on the follower’s part (the lady). The Lehigh Valley tango society had its Spring Milonga a few weeks ago. A Milonga is a time for tango dancers to meet up and dance the night away. It’s different from a Practica, where you dance to learn and refine steps and techniques. The Milonga is the real thing: you’re on the dance floor, and anything goes. You and your partner just have to find a way to make it work. Our teacher had told us that we would, at one point or another, have a “tango moment” and thus become inevitably hooked. I already had a real appreciation for the dance, and enjoyed going to class every Wednesday, but my “tango moment” happened at the Bethlehem Milonga. Joaquin Canay, an Argentinean tango teacher who now lives and works in Syracuse NY invited me to dance. I was intimidated, since he’s a teacher and, obviously, very skilled. So the first dance really, well, it sucked. I wasn’t letting myself go, I was thinking every move, and just wasn’t in the moment. The song ended, he said ‘thank you’ – anytime one of the dancers says “thank you”, it signals the end of dancing together – and I went back to my seat to watch. But thankfully, he asked me later to dance again. And that time, I let go, I trusted his technique, and really tried to follow. Which, actually, was incredibly easy once I turned my brain off, since he’s such an incredible lead! And that’s when it happened – the tango moment, the great dance, the peaceful 15 minutes (for he didn’t say thank you after the first dance, I was doing something right!) – and now I will keep on dancing to collect more moments.

There’s something old-fashioned about the whole thing. The dressing-up, the class, the politeness, the ceremony. Structured, peaceful, pleasurable, necessary.