lundi 22 juin 2009

Speech therapy

I should be writing about a play I went to see on friday. I should be writing in french. I will eventually write the paper and submit it to Les Trois Coups. I will. But I just want to write here for a while. No particular topic, except maybe, the idea of speech. Sometimes I feel like I need speech therapy.

I have been talking too much these last few days. And, in many social circumstances, I don't talk as much as I babble. I don't babble as much as I laugh and breathe in the middle of my sentence and... never finish it. I annoy myself with my lack of oral clarity. I wish I could be less fucking awkward! Excuse my language, but really. I do.

The thing is, when I talk, I have to take many things in consideration:

- First off, I have to think about what I'm saying. That's not as easy as it seems. If someone asks me something, I have to think about it. But, when you're talking, you don't have that much time to think. You just have to say. Produce words, construct sentences, build arguments... all while you're thinking about how you're going to keep on talking about something you often don't even give a shit about.

- I also have to pay attention to the person who's listening. Maybe I worry too much about meaningless stuff, but I have this fear of boring people to tears. So, if I get the impression that the person is really not interested in what I'm saying, I'm going to continue talking but while doing so, I will try to find ways to gracefully end the conversation, or ask a pertinent question so that I can shut up and let other people do the talking.

- There are many times when I talk and people stop listening. I don't actually get offended, because sometimes I myself don't actually know if I'm still talking or just uttering syllables that don't make much sense.

- It's not always that bad. When I've prepped myself, when I've coached myself to speak correctly and not to stop in the middle of a thought, or digress, or just stop because I'm tired of the sound of my voice, then, I can sustain decent conversation.

- Of course, sometimes, I'm actually interested in the topic , and have relatively instructive things to add to the conversation pot. Unfortunately, such moments are rare. But they are cherished.

- In my mind, conversations really should be between two people. Maybe three, sometimes. But no more. I don't like talking to impress. It's too much pressure. I like to talk to communicate. And you can only communicate with one person at a time, right?

- I'm just starting to use jokes as ways to avoid talking too much. When you crack a joke, it makes people laugh, it places you on the "conversation map", but you don't actually have to say much. I like it.

- In one of my theatre classes this year, the professor invented this conversation machine. Basically, everyone has a different role - the conversation starter, the one who always agrees, or disagrees, or tells anecdotes, etc - , and if each person keeps that role, then the conversation can be sustained indefinitely. It shows how much talking is as much about role playing as it is about expressing thoughts or emotions.

- Writing really is the way to go.

dimanche 14 juin 2009


D'abord, un petit merci pour les commentaires, qui me font très plaisir. Voilà. Maintenant, poème un peu dispersé en ce beau dimanche de juin.

Aspirations swirl around and around
Vacuming the inside of my skull

Who knew life would bring these things today
Certainly not I, should think to say

Apparently, that's how it goes
After a bit of a lull
A sudden shock reveals
Horizons unknown.

We're finding ourselves led
By a "wind of change",
Perhaps a breeze of vacillations

Why am I thinking now
Of the staircase leading to the beach
In Brittany?

Oscillations of the brain,
Between two things,
Two states of mind.
Two? Ney, many. Many more

It has been said by Deleuze and his pal Guattari
Leaving the sunny appartment
That thoughts
And perceptions
Amélie is still sleeping
Connect on a plain surface
I'm walking
No more verticals!

Towards the next point.

vendredi 12 juin 2009

Ouf! Fini!

Finished with dissertation writing! Back to fun blogging and creative thinking! Hurray!

But I must admit I'm actually exhausted, since I only slept a few hours last night and didn't take a nap, and now it's midnight and a half, and I'm still not sleeping! So, I'm not going to attempt to write something tonight. However, here are some photos I took with my phone recently. These last few days, the weather has been strange and quite to my liking : rain, sun and textured clouds.

Au revoir, bibliothèque!

Photos du sol mouillé directement inspirées par William Eggleston

dimanche 7 juin 2009


Et bien, ça fait un petit moment que je n'ai pas écrit ici, peut-être parce que je passe mon temps à écrire sur un autre support virtuel, qui est la page word de mon mémoire.... pas encore tout à fait fini, mais en voie de l'être. Et je sature assez incroyablement en cette fin d'après-midi, donc je me suis dit que - plutôt que de traîner sur facebook - j'écrirais un petit mot ici.

Le commentaire de Ju me conduit à parler du apprenticeship que j'ai obtenu (yey!). Je suis très très heureuse, mais sans me rendre encore bien compte de toutes les implications de ce déménagement. C'est sans doute aussi dû au fait que je dois encore rendre mon travail de M2 pour en avoir vraiment fini avec mes études. Donc, je ne me donne pas trop le loisir de penser à ce qui vient après. Mais à partir de vendredi prochain, les perspectives sont ouvertes et les rêves possibles!

Dans tous les cas, je suis contente parce que je suis enfin en paix avec Paris, et je n'ai pas le sentiment de partir pour échapper à la ville. Je pars parce qu'il y a un théâtre génial qui veut bien de moi, c'est tout. Si j'étais partie il y a trois mois, les choses seraient bien différentes. Peut-être que si je partais dans six mois aussi. Mais là en ce moment, partir n'est pas une fuite. C'est plutôt une aventure. Une perspective... c'est ça qui me manquait je crois. Des perspectives d'avenir. Parce que finir ses études, mine de rien, c'est un peu brutal surtout quand il n'y aucun autre débouché après à part faire une thèse! Et Dieu - et pas que lui, d'ailleurs - sait que je ne suis pas faite pour écrire une thèse!

Avoir participé à la pièce du club théâtre de Télécom Paris m'a comforté dans l'idée que je suis une inconditionnelle du théâtre incarné. L'analyse m'intéresse aussi, mais ne m'apporte pas cette joie que j'éprouve en travaillant au sein d'une équipe pour monter un projet. Donc, il est temps que je m'attèle à ce que j'aime vraiment faire! Ma mère disait souvent ça quand j'étais petite et inconsolable: "you can't have everything you want in life"... but what if, sometimes, you actually can?

Pour la route, une photo de la grille du jardin du Luxembourg, la nuit, toute en perspective...