vendredi 16 mai 2014

The Elephant

Days and days and months pass and still no sign of writing on this blog. To be honest, I've switched platforms. I created an account on the French website and I try to write there semi-regularly. It's not for anyone to read - more like the 21st century version of a diary - but it keeps me writing. And, maybe, hopefully, something more tangible and public will come out of those private scribbles at some point, when I'm good and ready. Because, right now, anything worth writing for me is private and needs to remain private, to a certain extent.

These past few months have been challenging and will continue to be, as my mom is undergoing cancer treatment. She's okay - the tumor was removed surgically and, as far as anyone can see, the cancer's gone. But, of course, chemotherapy is still required and that, in itself, is a painful process. It's all about taking it day by day, one step at a time, as the doctors say. We'll follow their prescription.
 I've hesitated long and hard about writing here. I hope my mother, who's my number one blog reader, won't be offended or think that I'm disclosing too much information.

That's the catch when you end up talking about yourself and your life on a blog. It's all well and good when things are going relatively ok. But, when, as the expression goes, "life throws you a curveball", you have to make a decision: to write about the said curveball or not to write about it all. You could throw up your emotional guts for the world to read (you won't be the first one) or you could refrain and keep to yourself.

My problem is that I can't seem to move on and write another post on here until I've named the elephant in the room and waved it hello. I wish I could compartmentalize things in a more efficient way: family health concerns in one little box, safe writing topics in another completely unrelated little box, work issues in yet another place, etc. But my mind doesn't function that way. It's all a big tangled net. And the act of writing untangles some of the knots, releases some of the material and helps to expand the net's workable surface.

Let's face it: this elephant is on my mind, and it's hard to ignore it. But I won't dwell on it here either. I've said what was going on, it's there for all to read and I no longer have the lingering feeling of lying through omission. So now I can move on and pursue the conversation on a wide range of topics.

jeudi 20 mars 2014

La danse et le piano

Il y a des fois où la vie joue de sales tours. Elle chamboule tout: place au branle-bas de combat et tout le tintouin de soucis qui va avec.

Dans ces cas-là, quand tout ne va pas comme il faudrait, je sais, désormais, que je peux compter sur...  la danse et le piano. La danse, le mardi et le piano, le vendredi, c'est bien réparti. 

L'apaisement grâce à la pratique physique, intransigeante, instinctive. L'attention qu'il faut accorder à la technique, lâcher prise face aux ennuis. Ce qui importe en cours de danse et de piano, ce n'est rien d'autre que la respiration, les corps, les mains et la musique. 

Les profs m'accompagnent, animés de la passion de la transmission. Ils sourient, conseillent, encouragent. Je les connais peu, mais nous sommes unis par le thème qui nous amène. 

Pour ces moments de plaisir, figés dans l'instant régi par l'art, je leur rends leurs sourires. Pour ces minutes attrapées, dédiées à la recherche de la justesse, je les remercie.  Et le cœur plus léger, le pas plus élancé, des idées plein la tête, je repars, pour mieux revenir.  

jeudi 23 janvier 2014

January isn't over yet, so... a belated post about resolutions

There's a blogpost about New Year's resolutions that I started writing at the beginning of January with the intention of posting it for all to see. And then, it landed in the "unfinished" folder.

 Resolutions can be hot air intentions. When January 1rst comes around, I think: "why, yes! Of course! I must write the masterpiece of my life this year!". It then dawns on me that such a project would require tremendous work, great emotional availability, iron discipline and probably last more than a year. So I scale down to "maybe if I wrote posts on my blog more often, that would be a good start..." or "maybe if I wrote every day for an hour, that would be the starting point for writing projects to develop". These thoughts sound more reasonable and may happen. Hopefully.

Although they're fickle, resolutions still have a special place in my heart. They make me pause and think about what I need to do to feel more in tune with who I am on a daily basis. Resolutions help me dream about projects and think about what it takes to accomplish those dreams. I wouldn't like resolutions if none of them came to fruition, if they were all full of hot air and nothing else. Fortunately, there are some wishful thoughts that amount to concrete results when they're taken seriously. From being ideas, they become actions. 

Two very classic resolutions have nagged at me this year: weight loss and exercise.  At first, I thought that they were of the "hot-air" type and that I would soon forget about them, go back to my old habits and not worry too much until next year (or this summer). But fortunately, I have been listening to myself. And I'm starting to change little things, really small things, that could lead me in the right direction. I try to be a bit more aware of what I eat and when, I drink more water and I will start going to a dance class next week. That's it. That's all I can do right now, and I don't intend on doing a smoothie detox or running every day. But eating more thoughtfully and dancing, that I can do.

I've also been realizing that I have possibly benefited from other people's resolutions. In early January, a friend called and asked if we were  available to go for a walk in the woods. Before calling us, this friend may have been thinking about the New Year and what it implied. She perhaps formulated a few thoughts like: "this year, I want to see friends more often" and "this year, I want to go for walks in nature". This may have led her to pick up her phone, which in turn led us to leave our cosy appartments and have a great time. We came across a lake and saw flocks of geese, ducks, water hens and even a heron and a cormorant!

I like seeing wishes becoming intentional acts. So here's to a New Year filled with great intentional actions!

... and, more blogposts.