New Year's resolutions? I probably have some unformulated, unsubstantiated wishes swimming around in the swampy lands of my brain. But I have also recently bluntly discovered that it's best not to rely on illlusions to go forward. So my best resolution this year is to solve problems and deal with issues as they come, whether they come from inside me or from the outside.
One thing for sure, this last year has taught me enormous amounts on both professional and personal fronts. I feel like I'm in a whirlwind of learning, and, to be perfectly honest, it is more painful than it is exhilirating. But I'm hoping that the exhiliration will kick in eventually, or at least that the hard road I'm taking will not lead to regret.
I remember last year, on the 31rst of december, I was in a train on my way to Normandy for a party. I decided to write about my year, and couldn't find many positive things to say. 2008 had sucked, in many respects. I had not found my footing in Paris, I had nearly failed my first year of masters, I was overcome by procrastination and light depression, I had had a few nervous breakdowns (I think bursting in tears and screaming in a cinema because you lost a dvd can constitute some sort of nervous collapse)... and I had few positive successes to make up for all that negative stuff.
This time around, I was on a plane on the last day of the year, so I also had time to reminisce. 2009 had gone so much better, it was amazing how different one year could be compared to another. And although I wasn't in the best spirits on the 31rst of this year, I was not beaten. I felt I still had some resources to fight and live, because my self-esteem was back with a vengence. In 2009, I have started to learn the meaning of the expression "pulling yourself by your bootstraps": I saved my dissertation (ie. I really started working on it), I applied for dream jobs and got the one I wanted most. I put myself in positions where I could meet people who inspired me. That doesn't mean 2009 was a rosy year, all happy and cheery. I have been hurt, disappointed, bereaved. But, because I trust myself, I'm not crushed. And because I trust myself, I learn.
"Living" and "learning", aren't they, in the end, synonyms?
Therefore, I wish to all of you gentle readers health and self-esteem for 2010!
Happy New Year!