The words will come in floods and I won't control them.
I'll utter something I thought but didn't mean to say. It will be heard, I will have to explain.
It will mean more than what I ever thought it should mean. But, come to think about it, maybe it does... mean. I mean, something. Important.
I finished the last few pages of The Road after having stalled reading the ending. Deeply troubled, because of McCarthy's lucid pessimism and because, in so many ways does he speak a truth we're all dutifully ignoring : if we keep on going the way we are, bad things will happen.
I have now started reading Laurence Olivier's autobiography, and it's entertaining, light and peppy.
But it's not making me forget about the end of the world. I keep on wondering if humans will cause the end of all life, or if we (along with numerous other life forms) will be swept off the earth, only to be replaced by a new life-cycle. Then I fantasize grimly: after the complete disappearance of humans, maybe the earth will gulp all remaining human-made ruins and breathe unimaginable life into them, in a way unfathomable to our minds numbed by selfishness and greed.
Until I see a plastic bag on the sidewalk, and I feel like crying - because it's on the ground on its way to the ocean, and because I'm not picking it up. It's honestly hard to walk around Bethlehem. All that litter generates so much guilt and questionning.
I feel so small unable unhelpful useless. I have a brain, I can put two and two together - we are in trouble - but I'm not finding positive, creative solutions that would deeply challenge the national (American) consensus. Of course, living a relatively green lifestyle is a small step in the right direction, but we need to go further than that. The billionnaires who deny climate change such as David Koch really need to be challenged, more than with a couple of placards. There's got to be a secret weapon in the liberal's arsenal that we have not tried yet. That secret weapon is probably made of money - that is invested in long-term solutions. And that secret weapon needs to be deployed now. Otherwise, we're screwed.